The Lounge Lizard watches the 46th Grammys...

... well for the 1st 5 minutes. People who understand me well enough know that I don't give a shit about all this awards thing. It's all nonsense and self-congratugatory public masturbation. However, the live performances are the only thing I really enjoy about these nonsense. Fer Gawd's sake, The Artist Whom I think Might Be Calling Himself Prince Again opened the ceremony this year. Prince?!?! Sweet Mother of Jesus!!! Prince!!! He did a rendition of 'Purple Rain' with his Cloud guitar (y'know, the one with the weird symbol) that was on an 80's staurated distorted guitar tone. Pretty amusing But I love the guy. He's amazing.

Then, Beyoncé Knowles appeared and joined him for the rest of the medley. They did a little of her hit, 'Crazy In Love'. ("Uh oh uh oh uh-oh uh-oh) I love that song. Prince whipped out a Tele and started ripping on the guitar. Under normal circumstances, I'd very entranced by what the guitarist is doing. However, I couldn't take my eyes off Beyoncé. I saw a performance that Christina Aguilera and Dave Navarro did at some MTV awards thing. I couldn't give a shit about the lil whore. But this time round, it was different. I quote my friend, Gavin: "When she pull that one move (Gavin attempts a Beyoncé dance move), I get so turned on." I think he speaks for 80% of all mankind. And she had to break my heart in this little pink number.



And yeah, the Purple One is shorter than Foxxxy Cleopatra.

I should have stayed home and watch the whole thing. I mean, I didn't fuckin know that Earth, Wind and Fire, Parliament/ Funkadelic and Outkast were going to do a collaboration!!! Fuck!!! I dun really care much about Sting, Dave Matthews, Pharrell Williams of the Neptunes' rendition of the Beatles' 'I Saw Her Standing There'. What I've read was that André 3000 of Outkast performed that insanely catchy hit, 'Hey Ya!' complete with Parliament/ Funkadelic style of live set-up, y'know, spaceships, crazy outfits, etc. Fuck, I really shoulda stayed at home...

In a different world on Saturday, I went out with my National Service mates to catch up. After a jug of beer on my own (we had around 17 in total), I popped my karoke cherry by backing Chung on The Papas and Mamas's 'California Dreaming'. As you know, the song revolves around a call-and-response type of vocals. I was the response dude, slugging it out in a vocal style that was a cross between a helium balloon and a squealing pig. Someone had to play PeeWee Herman to Chung's Barry White.